Moulin Rouge: Starring Davey Havok and Jade Puget!
by Jester Fraser
Summary: AKA the Stupidest thing I've ever co-written. The product of two AFI fans that happen to be Moulin Rouge fans, and their ideas of what MR! would be like if AFI were in it...I don't expect good reviews.


**Moulin Rouge: Starring Davey Havok and Jade Puget!**

Disclaimer: Nah, we don't own Davey Havok, Jade Puget or any member of AFI, nor do we own Moulin Rouge!, and we don't know if Davey, Jade, Adam or Hunter are homo/bi-sexual, and so this is not to be taken seriously for their private lives. It's just for fun!

_Authors:_ _AmberXRose__ and Jaden Jade Eye (Jester Fraser)_

~~Begin Story~~

[We start with the little conductor dude and the Twentieth Century Fox logo and stuff. Then go to a short guy on the windmill, Toulouse.]

_Toulouse__: **There was a boy….a very strange, enchanted boy-**aaaahhhh [Toulouse is pushed off the Windmill somehow, then we go straight through the streets of Montmarte and reach up into the Garret of—Jade Puget! There, we see Jade jumping around like it's a concert, playing his guitar and then he stops and looks at the camera. He smiles waves and sits down at the windowsil.]_

_Jade:_ Hello, I'm Jade Puget, a Guitar Player. I hella great one at that! [he smiles] I want to tell you of a story, a story about a boy, a boy with a dream to start a band. That boy was me, when I lived in America. I wanted to start a band, a band that'd kick hella but! So, I told my dad, after I turned twenty, that I was moving to Montmarte to start a band with some hella cool people in France. 

[Shots of younger Jade, about six years younger, in America, guitar on his back, facing his father, a stern man with few good features.]

_Jade's Father:_ Always this ridiculous obsession with starting a band!

_Jade:_ It's my dream! I want to kick hella but! I'm going! [Jade pulls on his guitar over his shoulder and plays a great guitar number for a few minutes, but not singing. He stops and looks at his father.]

_Jade's Father: _What do you want? A Mohawk?

[Jade shakes his head, his father would never understand. Jade leaves. Cut to Montmarte, right outside the gate stands Jade, in a coat, a smirk, and his guitar over his shoulder. He walks into the village, and the clock is turned back and everything looks like it's from 1899, and everything seems that way too, even though it's just 1997 (I'm trying to fit this into a chronological order of AFI about when jade joined…anyway). Cut to a garret, circling about ninety degress, then land on Jade, as he puts his guitar against the wall and turns to the landlady who hands him the key. Jade smiles.]

_Jade:_ (V.O.) Yes, I had come to Montmarte, ready to start a band. A band that would kick hella butt and be forever awesome. But there was one problem, I didn't know how to start a band! Luckily, an unconscious guitar player fell through my roof! He was quickly joined by a Music Producer dressed as a sing from Kiss. 

[Enter Music Producer after the Unconscious Guitar Player falls through the roof.]

_Music Producer:_ Whoa! How do you do? My name is Henri something Something blah blah blah blah blah (insert long as name here), but you can just call me Music Producer Number One!

_Someone:_ How is he?

[Jade looks up just as three heads pop in the hole in the ceiling.]

_Music Producer: _Sleeping like a baby, Music Producer Number 2.

_Music Producer Number Two:_ Oh wonderful, now that the stoned Guitar player is now unconscious, therefore the fake concert will not be ready for the financeer tomorrow!

_Music Producer:_ I've told you before, it's not a fake concert, it's a PLAY! Something different for a change, Number Two, it's a risk! It's fun!

[Jade is all confused.]

_Jade:_ What? Do you need a Guitar player?

_Music Producer:_ Duh.

_Jade: _Hella! I can play guitar! [Jade grabs his guitar] I kick hella butt on this Guitar!

_Music Producer: _Wonderful! Let's go! [Cut to upstairs where everyone is now at. Jade is tuning his guitar as Number Two directs the drummer in how the number should go, and another person is working on lighting and another working on recording. Music Producer is tuning the bass.]

_Number Two:_ Alright, now, count off, Drummer!

_Drummer:_ [Clacks his sticks together] One-Two-Three-FOUR!

[Music starts horribly outta tune, but Jade kicks hella butt on his guitar. Everyone is speechless, the Drummer and Music Producer stop playing as Jade continues on in a kick butt solo. Jade stops.]

_Jade: _Why'd everyone stop? [Jade realizes everyone is gawking at him.] Why is everyone staring at me? Are my Jade-burns uneven? [Jade touches his side burns] What is it?

_Music Producer:_ That was wonderful! [Music Producer kicks Unconscious Guitar Player up.] You're gone, this guy is our new Guitar player! [Music Producer turns to Jade] What's your name again?

_Jade:_ Jade.

_Music Producer:_ [Throws Unconscious Guitar Player out the window] Welcome, Jade! We're looking for new young talent to produce to make a totally kick butt band! You're the new Guitar player of the Unnamed Band of Montmarte! 

_Jade:_ Hella!

_Number Two: _I thought this was a play!

_Music Producer:_ It is, but after the play, we will start a band! And it will kick butt! And Jade can be in the play!

_Lighting Guy: _How do we convince Adam?

_Music Producer: _Uuh…Davey!

_Sound Dude:_ Davey!

_Jade:_ Davey?

[They all look at him. Jade looks very interested. They gather in a circle leaving Jade out. Jade sites on Drummer's seat and waits for them to stop talking.]

_Jade:_ (V.O.) They planned to dress me in Number Two's best suite, and pass me off as a famous American Guitar Player. I was to perform for Davey Havok, and he would convince Adam to have me play the Guitar player in their new Play; _A Band! A Band!_ And also to write the Guitar tabs myself.

_Music Producer:_ We're off to the Moulin Rouge, to see Davey! [Music Producer offers Jade a glass of Absinthe] Absinthe?

_Jade:_ Sorry, I'm straight edge.

_Music Producer:_ Okay, more for me! [Drinks Absinthe]

[Cut to the Moulin Rouge. Adam Carson walks out of some doors singing Zidler's Rap. And then go to five people in the crowd, Jade, Music Producer, Number Two, Lighting Guy and Sound Dude. They take a booth.]

_Music Producer:_ Davey Havok is the star of the Moulin Rouge! He is so awesome! I can't wait for you to meet him! Remember, you're a famous American Guitar Player!

[Jade nods. Then the lights die down and everyone looks up as silver and black sparkly things fall from the ceiling then, on a swing, a man, pale as the moon, with hair dark as the night, it descending. He wears black lipstick and mascara, he has black nail polish on and a mesh shirt. His many tattoos can be seen. He has a devil's lock hairstyle, is wearing black pleather pants with black boots (non-leather). Jade is rendered speechless.]

_Music Producer:_ It's him! The Man with A Fire Inside! Davey Havok!

_Davey Havok: _**The**** French are glad to die, for love**

**They delight in fighting duels**

**But I prefer a man who lives**

**And gives expensive jewels**

[Davey Havok sings _Material Girl _and _Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend._ He end in wearing another pleather pants, and a darker shirt, right in front of Jade.]

_Davey:_ I believe you're expecting me.

_Jade:_ Uh..yeah…

_Davey: _Let's dance! 

[Davey and Jade dance. While Adam sits with another man, a tall blonde guy, the Effin' Hunter.]

_Adam: _Davey'll meet you in the Secret Ninja Monkey tonight after the show. Just kick back and relax until then!

_Hunter:_ Alright.

[Cut to the Secret Ninja Monkey. Jade, with his guitar on his back, stands at the window, looking out across the garden as Davey gets into some boxers and a loose black shirt.]

_Davey:_ How's this? Musical type-ish for you?

_Jade:_ Uh…yeah…

_Davey: _How about some Vegan Fudgy Wudgies?

_Jade: _I'd prefer to get it over with, I'm quite tired.

_Davey: o.o_ Okay…[Davey turns around] Very well...Come over here, and we'll get it over and done with.

_Jade:_ I'd like to do it standing…

_Davey:_ Oh..

_Jade: _Oh you don't have to stand I mean, it's just, it's quite long, and I'd like for you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do, but I'm sure if you're open, then you'll might enjoy it! Toe tapping it is.

_Davey:_ I'm sure I will..

_Jade: _Okay…[Jade gets his guitar on and rips out great chords and sings "My gift is my guitar"]

_Davey:_ [swoons]

_Jade:_ How's that?

_Davey: _I can't believe it. I'm in love…I'm in love with a young, handsome, talented Effin' Hunter.

_Jade:_ Effin' Hunter? Haha, I'm not Effin' Hunter…

_Davey:_ Not Effin' Hunter?

_Jade: _I'm Jade.

_Davey: O.O_ Oh no! [much confusion and panic ensues, then on to story telling!]

_Jade:_ It's a story about love! It's set in India! and there's a SINGER!The most beautiful singer in the whole world. but his kingdom is invaded by and EVIL maharajah (played by adam) so, to save his kingdom, he must seduce the homosexual evil maharajahbuton the night of the seduction he mistakes a penniless...penniless penniless Guitar player for the evil Maharajah! Now, he didn't mean to trick the singer, but he was dressed as a maharaja because he's a appearing in a play! and the singer and the guitar player fall in love! and write beautiful music together!

_Effin__' Hunter: Awesome. I'll finance it._

_Everyone:_ Yay!

[CUT to Jade's garret. Jade sits at his windowsill, looking across at the Secret Ninja Monkey where Davey is.]

_Jade:_ As the party raged upstairs, I tried to write Guitar tabs, but all I could think about was him. Was he thinking of me?

[Cut to Davey at the Secrent Ninja Monkey. He's applying eyeliner, and then he puts it down and looks in the mirror as thoughts of the previous day, especially Jade. He gets up and goes to the top of the Secret Ninja Monkey. He tears off his shirt as he sings "One Day I'll Fly away" and spreads his black wings that formed from his tattoos and flys away. Jade climbs up as well.]

_Jade: _HEY! GET BACK DOWN HERE SO I CAN TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU!

_Davey:_ Okay…[Davey returns, they sing Elephant Love Medely and kiss.]

_Jade:_ (V.O) How wonderful life was now Davey was in the world. But with the Effin' Hunter…Adam had gotten much more than he bargained for. Effin' Hunter wanted Davey for himself. And wouldn't finance the play until he had a contract binding Davey to him, and had the deeds to the Moulin Rouge. Adam, being the great business man he is, agreed. So then Davey and I had to hide our love from the evil Effin' Hunter.

_Jade:_ Davey, we need to hide our love from the evil Effin' Hunter.

_Davey:_ Alright. 

_Jade: _(V.O.) But one day, while we were being careless, Adam saw us.

[Adam walks up to Davey after Jade leaves after they've made out.]

_Adam:_ Tell him it's over, Davey. You can't be frolicking with the Guitar Player! Leave him, now! Or the Effin' Hunter will stop all of our work right now!

_Davey: _I can't…

_Adam: _Do it!

_Davey: _Fine….

[Adam walks away.]

[Later that night. Davey hasn't shown up to dinner with the Effin' Hunter. And Adam must lie to save the day.]

_Adam:_ **Like a Virgin!**

[It was a disturbing number that ended up with Hunter and Adam making out. Davey comes along and breaks it up. Then he leaves.]

[CUT to the Secret Ninja Monkey, with a Doctor and Adam.]

_Doctor:_ I'm sorry, Monsieur Adam, but Davey is falling. He'll be the lead singer, there is nothing we can do about it. 

_Adam:_ He mustn't know…he mustn't know…

[CUT to Davey applying pink eyeliner to please Jade.]

[CUT to Jade's garret. Jade is at his window plucking away at his guitar. Davey is on the bed, pink eyeliner a bit worn. He's in a satine kimono, black with silver hems, and is looking out the window in thought. Jade looks hurt as he looks up at him.]

_Jade:_ Where were you last night?

_Davey: _[Looks at Jade] I told you, applying eyeliner.

_Jade:_ [gets up and walks to Davey, guitar still in hand.]You don't have to lie to me.

_Davey:_ [turns away.] We have to end it. Everyone knows, Adam knows, sooner or later Effin' Hunter will find out too.

_Jade:[_is speechless and heartbroken.]

[SUDDENLY, they break out into a song Jade plays awesomely on the guitar as Davey sings:]

**Heartbreak incarnate   
I'm nothing if not your memories,   
your heartbreak, please let me be your joy and your pain   
  
Someday I will be, I'll be those common words spoken uniquely   
Because I may... will forever be floating as you feel   
  
Please let me haunt as scent on your pillow   
Letters of past all tear stained and wrinkled   
Please let me haunt as scent on your pillow   
Letters of past all tear stained and wrinkled   
  
(Just say) Say you will for me (for me), invite me to your memory   
(Just sing) Sing again for me (for me) that long forgotten song   
  
Heartbreak incarnate   
I'm nothing if not your memories,   
your heartbreak, please let me be your joy and your pain   
  
Someday I will be, I'll be that waking warmth from a fading dream   
Because I will... I may at best, float as you feel   
  
Please let me haunt as scent on your pillow   
Letters of past all tear stained and wrinkled   
Please let me haunt as scent on your pillow   
Letters of past all tear stained and wrinkled   
  
(Just say) Say you will for me (for me), invite me to your memory   
(Just sing) Sing again for me (for me) that long forgotten song   
  
(Just say) Say you will for me (for me), invite me to your memory   
(Just sing) Sing again for me (for me) that long forgotten song   
  
Let me be all the words, let me be all the words   
Let me be all the words, let me be all the words   
  
Let me be all the words echoing comfort   
Let me be all the words that you'd unsay   
Let me be all the words echoing comfort (comfort, comfort, comfort)   
Let me be all the words that you'd unsay (unsay, unsay, unsay)   
  
Let me be all the words echoing comfort   
Let me be all the words that you'd unsay   
Let me be all the words echoing comfort (comfort, comfort)   
Let me be all the words that you'd unsay (unsay, unsay, unsay)**

_Jade:_ Hey this can be our secret song!

_Davey:_ Hella!

[CUT to next rehearsel, they're playing Synesthesia, the secret song. Then Someone walks up.]

_Someone:_ This doesn't make sense. Why would the Singer fall for the Guitar Player? 

_Effin__' Hunter: GO AWAY!_

[Someone walks away. Then Ewan McGregor dressed as Christian walks up.]

_Ewan:_ Man, Davey and Jade really make a cute couple. I'm so happy that they're together now, even though it is behind your back an' all…oops…I just gave it away…

[Ewan walks off feeling bad.]

_Effin__' Hunter: I knew he just gave something away…but what?...[Effin' Hunter watches as Jade and Davey walk away hand-in-hand.] Where did Davey's devil's lock go to??_

[CUT to the argument between Davey and Adam.]

_Adam:_ Effin' Hunter knows! If you see Jade again he'll kill Jade! You must leave him! The Band must go on!

_Davey:_ But I can't! He's the guitar player! You can't hurt the Guitar Player!

_Adam: _THE EFFIN' HUNTER'LL KILL HIM IF YOU DON'T!!

_Davey:_ Oh fine, but only for Jade's sake…

[CUT TO Jade's garret.]

Davey-Jade, last night hunter came to me and made me and offer i can't refuse. He's giving me a life time supply of vegan fudgy wudgys. it's all i ever wanted

  
_Jade_-We did it together, Davey! What about last night? What are you talkin' about leaving me?!

  
_Davey_- it's fudgy wudgys dammit! I can't passs this up!!

  
_Jade_-I don't believe you!!

  
_Davey_-Beleive me!

  
_Jade_-but..

  
_Davey_-I'm staying with the Effin' Hunter.

  
[Davey turns and puts his face up, trying to avoid Jade's cute "noo..." face. then leaves out into the rain where he looks very sexxxy in his white mesh shirt  
jade looks sad and confused ]

  
_Jade_-"THOSE damn FUDGY WUDGYS!!!"  
  
[Jade runs out in front of the studio...]  
  
_Jade_-"DAVEY! DAVEY!"  
  


[but davey is nowhere in site.....  
cuts to the show scene]

[Jade sneaks in. He sees someone else playing the Penniless Guitar Player and gets jealous, also as the Evil Maharaja is to marry the Beautiful Singer. Jade goes to Davey's dressing room. Davey is applying lipstick just as Jade opens and enters the room. Davey jumps a bit and turns around.]

_Davey:_ What're you doing here?!

_Jade_-I've come to pay my fee  
  


_Davey_-what fee? I'm not a whore!

  
_Jade_-[whispers] Oh..uhm...well, just go along will ya?

  
_Davey_-oh, ok

  
_Jade_-anyway *a-hem**

  
_Davey_-i think you need some help jade

  
_Jade_-I do not need help! You're the one who can't apply lipstick!!

  
_Davey_-HEY! You're the one with the weird sideburns!!!!

  
_Jade_-Allow me to show you how to apply make up, move outta the way.

  
_Davey_-NO!

  
[Jade goes up to the mirror, but Davey stops him]

  
_Davey_-my mirror!!

  
_Jade_-HEY! Move! Let me just see!

  
_Davey_-it's my dressing room! read the door!!! is your name davey!!!?

  
_Jade_-THAT'S IT! I challenge you to a make out!

  
_Davey_-OH, ok

  
[then they make out, and jade pulls away]

  
_Davey_-I win

  
_Jade_-perhaps i phrased it wrong  
  


[then Adam comes  
in]

  
_Adam_-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET ON STAGE!

  
_Jade_-fuck off

  
_Adam_-who's in there with you?!  
  


_Davey_-My voice

  
_Adam_-oh okay, get on stage!

  
[davey runs on stage  
and jade runs after him]

  
_Jade_-You made me believe that you loved me! why shouldn't I pay you?  
  


[Davey turns to him, ]  
  


_Davey_-Because this isn't a whore house man!  
  


[Jade throws money at daveys feet, just as the curtians open  
  
 on stage-everyone is staring  
Hunter finally gets it]

  
_Hunter_-EUREKA! JADE GOT SIDEBURNS!

  
[Jade throws a shoe at him, ]

  
_Jade_-"SHUT-UP! I'm about to say a long sad speech! IT's MY MONOLOGUE SO FREAK OFF!" *yells*  
_Jade_-"I owe you nothing, and you are nothing to me! but love, thank you for curing my ridiculous obsession with wanting to start a band!  
  


[jade walks off!   
then just as hes about to go...  
Davey sings!! synthesia!!  
they sing together!!  
hunter looks preplexed...]

  
_Singers_-I'm nothing if not your memory!  
  


[flowing bright lights! a disco ball!  
then they dance! then they stop as the song ends  
davey turns to jade and falls as  
the curtain falls  
Jade goes down]

  
_Jade_-"Davey, Davey what's wrong?!"  
  


[then davey falls over and dies  
jade crys  
  
BUT THEN!  
  
a light cracks the ceiling, Davey comes back  
and God speaks]  
  


God-"You are damned! You will be forever to be in a band call A Fire Inside  
  


[then davey miraculously gets up]  
  


_Davey_-"I DON'T WANNA DIE TONIGHT!!"  
  


[jade starts to sing the chicken song! but then davey whacks him over the head with a muffin  
AND ON WITH THE AFI!!]  
The End!!  
  
IT'S A STORY ABOUT TRUTH, BEAUTY, FREEDOM, BUT ABOVE ALL LOVE!! (and afi)

~~End Story~~

This had almost nothing to do with Moulin Rouge, but Ambs and I just got hyper, and we're huge AFI fans and we both love Moulin Rouge and when we talked, this sorta just…came out…I don't expect good reviews. Especially since most of you probably won't get half the jokes in here.


End file.
